Polyamory dating stories
We were both still active online, seeing other people.
When Howard told me about his conference, I said, “I should be honest, too.
It seems some people are wired to be in simultaneous relationships and aren’t jealous when their partners are too.
But many of the questions on sites providing advice about polyamory are from secondary partners who are jealous of their lover’s primary relationship.“When I’m committed to someone,” I said to Howard, “I don’t want to see other people.
If either of us were attracted to someone else, we would suffer our lust in silence like decent people. If I settled for a man who slept with other people, I would be tempted to do it, too, if for no other reason than to quell my insecurity that I wasn’t enough.
We could both return home the next morning with smiles on our faces. Howard used the word “and” to replace “but” in conversation.
During the week of the conference, I kept picturing him in bed with some faceless woman, a gold chain sparkling around her slender waist.“I never wanted to know that,” I said, wishing I had stayed home instead of making the 90-minute train trip to see him.“I’m sorry,” he said. I was just being honest.”My guy was an Ivy League-educated doctor with an M. A., but he no longer practiced medicine or worked in business. I was a widow of four years after being with my high school sweetheart, George, for 32. We lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, 13 train stops apart — I in Danville, a placid East Bay suburb, and he in the bustling Mission district. We were both culturally Jewish but our versions were different.Instead, he was training to become a tantric sex instructor while working on his songwriting. I had dived into the cesspool of online dating looking for love, but my manic dog paddling hadn’t produced that. Howard was sweet, smart and honest to several faults. Even though my family wasn’t religious, my upbringing had been prudish.“It’s easier if we both want to spend time with old lovers.”But my ex-boyfriend couldn’t deal with Howard, so I ended my attempt at ex-lover polyamory.Howard called polyamory “consensual non-monogamy,” meaning you could have sex with other people so long as all parties agreed. And if we couldn’t agree to the terms, would Howard mope around the house moaning that I never let him do anything fun?