Modern female dating disorder
Hazel*, 28, tells SELF of when she first noticed her boyfriend’s grandiosity.“He was born on the Fourth of July, and he believed that destined him to greatness,” she says.“On one of our first dates, he compared himself to Alexander the Great and Napoleon, saying, ' I was born at the wrong time.Alexander the Great and Napoleon had conquered worlds by my age.'" Although remarks like this point to narcissism, they're easy to ignore when you're infatuated, or to even view as a funny display of a partner's confidence.It often seems easier to try to ignore the signs, blame yourself for their behavior, or try as hard as possible to keep the peace, as Linda did—anything but admit the person you love may have NPD.When psychologists diagnose NPD, they look for the following features, according to the While most people may seem to exhibit hints of narcissism here and there, people with NPD cross the line of healthy confidence and believe they are more important than everyone else all of the time.
As defined by the Mayo Clinic, NPD is “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.”His constant manipulation, his verbal attacks on Linda—only to switch to playing the victim moments later—and his gaslighting tactics all pointed the therapist to the diagnosis, Linda says.One Christmas in particular stands out: “I love to have friends and family around me during the holidays, and so I had invited one of my best friends over for Christmas Eve dinner,” she says.But “my narcissist [husband] laid a huge guilt trip on me about making this Christmas special and spending it with just us.Linda* was elbow deep in dishes after dinner when she heard the sound of her cat hacking up a hairball.The 32-year-old had a choice: keep scrubbing the plates in the sink, or clean up the mess she knew was awaiting her in the living room. Linda’s husband had also heard the cat throw up, and he expected his wife to drop the dishes and get down on the carpet.