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I hate to disillusion you, however, when my lover and I were busy at it.

I would tell him to go deeper, harder, faster, slower and fuck me. Thanks to my ever-useful Kindle search function, I have discovered that Ana says "Jeez" 81 times and "oh my" 72 times.

That’s right, all the way down.” They do not say: “Yes, deeper, harder, deeper! And you’re not likely to do that unless you, yourself, are feeling the same delicious tremors. Step 12: If you ain’t prepared to rock, don’t roll.

You should be envisioning what you’re writing and—whether with one hand or two—transcribing these visions in detail. If you don’t feel comfortable writing about sex, then don’t.

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strongly disagree about words like penis or semen.

Step 2a: Resist the temptation to use genital euphemisms, unless you are trying to be funny. It is your job, as an author, to direct us elsewhere, to the more inimitable secrets of the naked body. And I’m not just talking about semen or vaginal fluid.

No: Tunnel of Love, Candy Shop, Secret Garden, Pleasure Gate Equally No: Flesh Kabob, Magic Wand, Manmeat Especially No: Bearded Clam, Tube Steak, Sperm Puppet I could go on, but only for my own amusement. And if you ever saw a videotape of yourself in action, you’d agree. If one of your characters, in a dire moment of passion, hits a note that sounds eerily like Celine Dion, duly note this. The cool thing about sex—aside from its being, uh, sex—is that it engages all five of our human senses. Give us the scents and the tastes and the sounds of the act. By which I mean that I’d take a sweet, embarrassed pussyfart over a shuddering moan any day. Give us the indentations on the small of a woman’s back, or the minute trembling of a man’s underlip. It took me a few years (okay, 20) to realize this, but desire is, in the end, a lot sexier than the actual humping part. Don’t cut from the flirtatious discussion to the gag-defying fellatio. Let the drama of the seduction prime us for the action. I’m also talking sweat and saliva, which I consider to be the perfume of lovers, as well as whatever one chooses as a lubricant.

I know this is going to be hard for some of the men in the crowd to believe, but it’s true. Real sex is compelling to read about because the participants are so utterly vulnerable.

I use them often in writing sex scenes and get a lot of praise for my sex scenes.

It may depend on the kind of people you write about but well educated people are likely to think in those terms.

If another can’t stay hard, allow him to use a ponytail holder for an improvised cock ring. (Sesame oil is my current fave, but it changes from week to week.) Step 9: It takes a long time to make a woman come. So please, don’t try to sell us on the notion that a man can enter a woman, elicit a moan or two, and bring her off. In fact, I’d steer clear of announcing orgasms at all.

And later on, if his daughter comes home and demands to know where her ponytail holder is, well, so be it. They do not say: “Give it to me, big boy.” They do not say: “Suck it, baby. Most of the time, real people say all kinds of weird, funny things during sex, such as, “I think I’m losing circulation” and “I’ve got a cramp in my foot” and “Oh, sorry! Rarely, in my experience, do men or women announce their orgasms. Their bodies are taken up by sensation and tossed about in various ways. Step 10: It is okay to get aroused by your own sex scenes. Remember, part of the intent of a good sex scene is to arouse the reader. The thoughts that accompany the act are just as significant (more so, actually) as the gymnastics.

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