Dating a guy just separated
While I respect the comfort levels of men and women who don’t want to date someone who is officially still married, I have to make the argument for why dating someone who is separated and not divorced yet is perfectly OK.Here is how I feel: Now, one would think I would be totally against dating someone who is separated and not divorced yet, basically because I have done it a few times, and one time I got pretty badly burned. It was an in-between area that could have only gone one of two ways. I guess you could say the pieces of the puzzle just didn't fit at the time. Relationships have gotten really complicated these days.My divorce is amicable and I maintain a good relationship with my ex.There’s no love there though, we’ve clearly moved on. I have my stuff together…own my own place, pursuing an MBA, good job, do the best for my kids, and I’m in a good place right now. I was putting the pieces of my newly shattered life back together and the other woman just wasn't a role I was willing to play long-term. He was, after all, juggling a soon-to-be ex-wife with a new lover.
One thing is true, though: he was way more to me than just a married man.It's safe to assume that most people can present themselves in a way that looks normal on Tinder. We then went out with friends, which was followed by beer and then going home. Me: slogging forward while missing my life in Oregon. In that twisted way, I started to fall for him, despite everything I knew about him. I wanted to move forward without being hung up on my last relationship. I expected it to be easy, and I wanted him to help me get over my ex. Side chick status until tomorrow." Maybe it was the way we crossed into territory when he said they weren't sleeping together anymore (although he was spending some nights at the house.) Maybe it was when I blushed at the thought of him. Maybe it was the way he was with his son that made me love him. It was the way I knew he was lying to me about how their relationship really was, because we all know that things are more complicated than they appear. It's easy to whip up a few seemingly innocuous lines, slap your most flattering photos up there and swipe away. We spent hours in bed, talking, hooking up, and breaking for more conversation. He was perfectly imperfect, perfect in his imperfections. Him: trying to navigate how to co-parent while figuring out his marriage was truly over. There were red flags all over the damn place, but choosing to ignore them felt better than acknowledging that there were real potential problems hovering beneath the surface. I knew that I was willingly making myself into a sidepiece. I knew better than to sleep with him, but I did it anyway– until I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to find someone that felt good to be around. I was newly single and in my mid-twenties, and after weeks of being told that it was time to put myself back out there, I decided that there was no harm in using Tinder. His marriage was over, and it had been over for some time, even before the separation, he said. We shared shreds of information, the things that make us who we are. Me: living together with a long-term partner whom I loved but didn't see myself with in the future. That was my first mistake, especially since I hadn't been in the dating game since Tinder even existed. He also said his mind was made up and he'd moved on. We connected and spent a few hours sipping beer and chatting. Him: married, seperated from the woman he had been with for more than eight years, with whom he shared a son. He also loved making plans that he had no intention of following through on. Maybe it was the night that he texted me, "Home with the ex and baby tonight. It was the way I wondered if they were sharing a bed.